THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO ST.TITLEIST

The Gospel According to St. Titleist....

1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you
more about your foe
than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.
-- Grantland Rice

2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child.
Just how childlike
golf players become is proven by their frequent
inability to count past
five.
-- John Updike

3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic
a place the world
is when one is playing golf.
-- Robert Lynd

4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of
the ball, the game
of golf would be played far better than it is.
-- Horace G. Hutchinson

5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe
them. Golf is MUCH more
complicated than that.
-- Gardner Dickinson

6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as
poorly as they do a
golf club, they'd starve to death.
-- Sam Snead

7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous
idleness.
-- William Wordsworth

8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
-- Dean Martin

9. If you are going to throw a club, it is
important to throw it
ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to
waste energy going
back to pick it up.
-- Tommy Bolt

10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but
feels personally
responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.
-- Bishop Sheen

11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew
tomatoes they'd
come up sliced.
-- Arnold Palmer

12. My handicap? Woods and irons.
-- Chris Codiroli

13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if
somebody would put a
flag stick on top.
-- Pete Dye

14. I'm hitting the woods just great; but having
a terrible time
getting out of them!
-- Buddy Hackett

15. The only time my prayers are never answered is
playing golf.
-- Billy Graham

16. If you think it's hard to meet new people,
try picking up the
wrong golf ball.
-- Jack Lemmon

17. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost
golf balls while they
are still rolling.
-- Mark Twain

18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are
plenty.
-- Harry Vardon

19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy
without being good
at either of them.
-- Jimmy DeMaret

20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in
still waters.
--Ben Hogan

21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it
left, it's a hook.
If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.
-- All Us Hackers

22. The difference in golf and government is that
in golf you can't improve your lie.
-- George Deukmejian

And Finally. ..

23. Golf is a game invented by the same people
who think music comes out of a bagpipe....
-- Lee Trevino
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