A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a rich Chinese businessman and an Italian from New York were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them. The Italian from New York fumed, 'What's with those jerks?> We're waiting fifteen minutes between shots!' The Indian Doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such poor golf!' The Chinese businessman called out 'Move it, time is money'!!!
The Catholic Priest said, 'Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.'
'Excuse me, Sir! Said the Catholic Priest, 'What's wrong with that group ahead
of us? They're rather slow, aren't they? The greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes.
That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.'
The group fell silent for a moment. The Catholic Priest said, 'That's so sad.
I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.'
The Indian Doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my Ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything that he might be able to do for them.'
The Chinese businessman replied, 'I think I'll donate $50,000 to the fire fighters
Union in honor of these brave souls'!!
The Italian from New York said,
'Why The Hell can't they play at night??'
#####
golf for beginners
a BIGGGG sand trap
a beacon to all mankind
no comment :-)
Friday, March 13, 2009
Saturday, December 27, 2008
CONTACTING KOOL KART
send me those golf pictures and
i will post them here.
"MyGolfPictures@yahoo.com"
and check out my new golf product,
play the demo video!
"http://www.myspace.com/KoolKart
thanks and i hope you're having a
very KoolKart day!!
#####
i will post them here.
"MyGolfPictures@yahoo.com"
and check out my new golf product,
play the demo video!
"http://www.myspace.com/KoolKart
thanks and i hope you're having a
very KoolKart day!!
#####
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO ST.TITLEIST
The Gospel According to St. Titleist....
1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you
more about your foe
than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.
-- Grantland Rice
2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child.
Just how childlike
golf players become is proven by their frequent
inability to count past
five.
-- John Updike
3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic
a place the world
is when one is playing golf.
-- Robert Lynd
4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of
the ball, the game
of golf would be played far better than it is.
-- Horace G. Hutchinson
5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe
them. Golf is MUCH more
complicated than that.
-- Gardner Dickinson
6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as
poorly as they do a
golf club, they'd starve to death.
-- Sam Snead
7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous
idleness.
-- William Wordsworth
8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
-- Dean Martin
9. If you are going to throw a club, it is
important to throw it
ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to
waste energy going
back to pick it up.
-- Tommy Bolt
10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but
feels personally
responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.
-- Bishop Sheen
11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew
tomatoes they'd
come up sliced.
-- Arnold Palmer
12. My handicap? Woods and irons.
-- Chris Codiroli
13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if
somebody would put a
flag stick on top.
-- Pete Dye
14. I'm hitting the woods just great; but having
a terrible time
getting out of them!
-- Buddy Hackett
15. The only time my prayers are never answered is
playing golf.
-- Billy Graham
16. If you think it's hard to meet new people,
try picking up the
wrong golf ball.
-- Jack Lemmon
17. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost
golf balls while they
are still rolling.
-- Mark Twain
18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are
plenty.
-- Harry Vardon
19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy
without being good
at either of them.
-- Jimmy DeMaret
20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in
still waters.
--Ben Hogan
21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it
left, it's a hook.
If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.
-- All Us Hackers
22. The difference in golf and government is that
in golf you can't improve your lie.
-- George Deukmejian
And Finally. ..
23. Golf is a game invented by the same people
who think music comes out of a bagpipe....
-- Lee Trevino
#####
1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you
more about your foe
than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.
-- Grantland Rice
2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child.
Just how childlike
golf players become is proven by their frequent
inability to count past
five.
-- John Updike
3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic
a place the world
is when one is playing golf.
-- Robert Lynd
4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of
the ball, the game
of golf would be played far better than it is.
-- Horace G. Hutchinson
5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe
them. Golf is MUCH more
complicated than that.
-- Gardner Dickinson
6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as
poorly as they do a
golf club, they'd starve to death.
-- Sam Snead
7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous
idleness.
-- William Wordsworth
8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
-- Dean Martin
9. If you are going to throw a club, it is
important to throw it
ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to
waste energy going
back to pick it up.
-- Tommy Bolt
10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but
feels personally
responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.
-- Bishop Sheen
11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew
tomatoes they'd
come up sliced.
-- Arnold Palmer
12. My handicap? Woods and irons.
-- Chris Codiroli
13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if
somebody would put a
flag stick on top.
-- Pete Dye
14. I'm hitting the woods just great; but having
a terrible time
getting out of them!
-- Buddy Hackett
15. The only time my prayers are never answered is
playing golf.
-- Billy Graham
16. If you think it's hard to meet new people,
try picking up the
wrong golf ball.
-- Jack Lemmon
17. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost
golf balls while they
are still rolling.
-- Mark Twain
18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are
plenty.
-- Harry Vardon
19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy
without being good
at either of them.
-- Jimmy DeMaret
20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in
still waters.
--Ben Hogan
21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it
left, it's a hook.
If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.
-- All Us Hackers
22. The difference in golf and government is that
in golf you can't improve your lie.
-- George Deukmejian
And Finally. ..
23. Golf is a game invented by the same people
who think music comes out of a bagpipe....
-- Lee Trevino
#####
Saturday, August 30, 2008
CONTACTING KOOL KART
send me those golf pictures and
i will post them here.
"MyGolfPictures@yahoo.com"
and check out my new golf product,
play the demo video!"
http://www.myspace.com/KoolKart
thanks and i hope you're having a great day!!
#####
i will post them here.
"MyGolfPictures@yahoo.com"
and check out my new golf product,
play the demo video!"
http://www.myspace.com/KoolKart
thanks and i hope you're having a great day!!
#####
THE GENIE
A husband takes his wife to play her first
game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly
hacked her first shot right through the
window of the biggest house adjacent to the
course. The husband shouted ,
'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have
to apologize and see how much your lousy
drive is going to cost us!'
So the couple walked up to the house and
knocked on the door. A warm voice said,
'Come on in.'
When they opened the door they saw the
damage that was done: glass was all over
the place, and a broken antique bottle was
lying on its side near the broken window.
A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are
you the people that broke my window?'
'Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that,'
the husband replied.
'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want
to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've
been trapped in that bottle for a thousand
years. Now that you've released me, I'm
allowed to grant three wishes. I'll Give you
each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep
the last one for myself.'
'Wow, that's great!' the husband said.
He pondered a moment and blurted out,
'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest
of my life.'
'No problem,' said the genie. 'You've got it,
it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you
a long, healthy life!'
'And now you, young lady, what do you want?'
the genie asked. 'I'd like to own a gorgeous
home complete with servants in every country
in the world,' she said.
'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your
homes will always be safe from fire, burglary
and natural disasters!'
'And now,' the couple asked in unison,
'what's your wish, genie?' ' Well, since I've
been trapped in that bottle and haven't been
with a woman in more than a thousand
years, my wish is to sleep with your wife.'
The husband looked at his wife and said,
'honey, you know we both now have a fortune,
and all those houses. What do you think?'
She mulled it over for a few moments and
said, 'You know, you're right. Considering
our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind,
but what about you, honey?'
'You know I love you sweetheart,' said the
husband. 'I'd do the same for you!'
So the genie and the woman went upstairs
where they spent the rest of the afternoon
enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.
After about three hours of non-stop fun,
the genie rolled over and looked directly
into her eyes and asked,
'How old are you and your husband?'
'Why, we're both 35,' she responded
breathlessly.
'Really?! Thirty-five years old and both
of youstill believe in genies??'
#####
"Never approach a bull from the front,
a horse from the rear -- or a fool from
any direction."
Danny Saradon
#####
game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly
hacked her first shot right through the
window of the biggest house adjacent to the
course. The husband shouted ,
'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have
to apologize and see how much your lousy
drive is going to cost us!'
So the couple walked up to the house and
knocked on the door. A warm voice said,
'Come on in.'
When they opened the door they saw the
damage that was done: glass was all over
the place, and a broken antique bottle was
lying on its side near the broken window.
A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are
you the people that broke my window?'
'Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that,'
the husband replied.
'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want
to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've
been trapped in that bottle for a thousand
years. Now that you've released me, I'm
allowed to grant three wishes. I'll Give you
each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep
the last one for myself.'
'Wow, that's great!' the husband said.
He pondered a moment and blurted out,
'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest
of my life.'
'No problem,' said the genie. 'You've got it,
it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you
a long, healthy life!'
'And now you, young lady, what do you want?'
the genie asked. 'I'd like to own a gorgeous
home complete with servants in every country
in the world,' she said.
'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your
homes will always be safe from fire, burglary
and natural disasters!'
'And now,' the couple asked in unison,
'what's your wish, genie?' ' Well, since I've
been trapped in that bottle and haven't been
with a woman in more than a thousand
years, my wish is to sleep with your wife.'
The husband looked at his wife and said,
'honey, you know we both now have a fortune,
and all those houses. What do you think?'
She mulled it over for a few moments and
said, 'You know, you're right. Considering
our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind,
but what about you, honey?'
'You know I love you sweetheart,' said the
husband. 'I'd do the same for you!'
So the genie and the woman went upstairs
where they spent the rest of the afternoon
enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.
After about three hours of non-stop fun,
the genie rolled over and looked directly
into her eyes and asked,
'How old are you and your husband?'
'Why, we're both 35,' she responded
breathlessly.
'Really?! Thirty-five years old and both
of youstill believe in genies??'
#####
"Never approach a bull from the front,
a horse from the rear -- or a fool from
any direction."
Danny Saradon
#####
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